Mom and Dad are the two most important people in your life. They help you grow up to be the person that you are today. But just because they are right about everything, doesn’t mean that they can’t be wrong. Think for yourself. The authors of this article have some great ideas on how to stand up to your parents without being disrespectful, rude, or abusive behavior.
Why Controlling Parents are Bad?
Children’s that grow up in a household where their parents are strict can have bad effects on them. This is because they are not allowed to feel that they have any autonomy or independence. This can lead to them feeling that their opinions don’t matter.
Along with this, there are also negative consequences of having controlling parents. Make it hard for kids to go along with other people because the parent can decide who their child is friends with or hangs out with.
So if you are a parent and you are trying to manage your child’s behavior and your life, but you are also feeling like you are losing control, it is time to take a look at your own life.
Being a good parent starts with taking care of yourself and putting your own needs first. Taking care of your health will help you to have a better quality of life and will make you a better parent.
How do You Stand Up to Overbearing Your Parents?
Do you feel bad when your parent says something about your relationship, your job, your house, your clothes, your diet, and other things that aren’t really their business? Thinking about how to stand up to your parents?
The adult children of overbearing parents often have to deal with this treatment for years because they either don’t know how to stop it or don’t want to pay the emotional price of stopping it. People who stand up to an overbearing parent often do so by getting angry and saying something hurtful that causes or deepens a rift in the relationship, which can make things even worse.
When your parent is too controlling, you can stand up for yourself and take back control of your life without hurting your family relationship. Here’s how to do it:
Four ways to get back in charge:
1. Don’t answer every call or text
Cell phone and text messaging mean that your mom or dad, or your spouse’s mom or dad, can always get in touch with you. But, in fact, you are in charge if you take that control and do what you want.
In this case, if your parent calls or texts you a lot and doesn’t have anything important to say. Tell them that you won’t be constantly interrupting your other activities to answer these calls or texts right away. Instead, give them a few good times when you can talk.
If you get a lot of non-important texts and/or voice mails, don’t respond right away. Wait until it’s time for you too. Step one to rebalancing the relationship is to not pay attention every time an intrusive parent tries to get in touch with you. If you don’t like it first time, it will start to make you feel (and be) more powerful in a few days or weeks.
However, if there is any chance that parent’s message could be an emergency or a request for important information, you should respond as soon as possible, even if you don’t think the message is important.
2. Make certain topics off-limits and then show your love
If your parents are overbearing, they may try to help you make decisions about your love life or career, your weight or how much money you spend, your clothes or how you look, and how you raise your kids. These kinds of things aren’t welcome in your adult children’s lives.
Make a list of things that bother you when your parent talks about them. So when your parent brings up one of these topics, politely say that you don’t like talking about it and that you don’t want to talk with him about it anymore. Before your parent can react to this, say how much you love the parent and how grateful you are for the parent’s willingness to give advice.
“When you say bad things about my husband’s job and how much money he makes, it hurts me.” We are very happy with our decisions, and I don’t like having to defend them to you. But know that I love you and that I know you only want what’s best for me.
A statement of love for your parent when you put a topic off-limits makes it less likely that your parent is going to be angry. If your parent says, “I was only trying to help,” say, “I know, but let’s talk about something else.” In the future, you may find that it’s easier to put other hot-button topics on the “don’t talk about” list after you’ve done this one time.
Chances are, you’ll have to say that you don’t want to talk about a certain subject a lot before your parent understands that you mean business and aren’t going to back down. Try not to show your anger when you have to repeat this request.
3. When your parent raises an off-limits subject by saying that he knows he shouldn’t, say thank you.
Your overbearing parent might raise a topic anyway, but he might do it in a way that draws attention to the fact that he is raising the topic.
When your parent sees your new car, he or she might say, “I know I’m not supposed to talk about your spending habits,” but then stop, making it clear that he doesn’t like the car. These kinds of “noncomment comments” can be very upsetting to people.
As a way to not be angry, think of this as a sign of progress and give yourself a pat on the back. That’s more likely to lead to the kind of behavior you want in the future, not raise it at all.
“Thank you so much for not talking about that. I really appreciate it.” A lot of me appreciate that you’re willing to do what I asked you to do.
It’s the last thing you should tell your parents that you can’t keep up with family traditions or rituals because your schedule doesn’t allow for them to work with you. In some cases, people who are overbearing think the time they spend with their adult children is a “tradition.” They might have a lot of these traditions!
It’s a family tradition to have Sunday dinner together every week, so we always do it.
As a family, we always spend two weeks each summer at the lake.
To an overbearing parent, an adult child is being irresponsible every time he doesn’t follow these rules. But if you have a busy job, live far away, or have kids who have a lot of activities and commitments, these obligations can become a lot more difficult as your life changes.
To do: If a “tradition” is making you feel bad, do not just say sorry when you don’t do it. Instead, do something about it. That avoidance doesn’t give you more power or make the relationship better. It just lets your parent make you feel bad every time. Instead, you should say that you respect the tradition, but that your involvement in it must be different now.
How to Stand up to Your Mother in a Respectful Manner
As you get older, it’s not always easy to have a relationship with your mom that is both respectful and happy. There are exceptions, though. If you can build a strong relationship with your mother, you’ll find that it’s worth talking to and getting to know her. Make sure you agree with each other even if it’s not what you want. Nothing good comes from disrespectful behavior and arguing in a logical, circular way.
1. Being polite and grateful
1. Hold your tongue: Do not say rude things, whether they are true or not. It will not help your relationship with your mother to say things that will make the situation even worse.
2. Agree to disagree: Mom will always think she knows what’s best for her baby, and you will always be her baby. Tell her that she has the right to have her own opinion, but that you don’t agree with it. There should be a statement like “Thanks for your advice. Having children does not fit into my life plan.” She will feel like you aren’t attacking her if you say what you think in a calm way. ship with your mom.
3. Thank your mom or parents for the things they do for you: For them, it was a big deal. Thank them if they do something nice for you. This will show your mom that you love her.
2. Keep your world separate
1. Do not share your whole life with Mom: If you know that she doesn’t like how much money you spend on your car, don’t bring it up in conversation. If she doesn’t get your point of view, don’t talk about it. This doesn’t apply to things that need to be talked about, like children, spouses, abuse, or other important family issues.
2. If you decide to keep some things from your mom, do it: It doesn’t matter if she pushes you to talk about a private thing.
Tell your mother politely that you don’t want to talk about that. If you stay true to your beliefs, she may be angry at first, but she will soon learn that her interference is not going to help.
3. Take your space when you need it: It’s OK for Mom to take a few days to get over an argument, but don’t make her talk about it right away. Doing so could make things even tenser.
3. Choose your battles wisely.
1. Make sure you can tell when you need to leave a conversation that could turn toxic: If you sense that things are getting tense, say that you know what she thinks and then walk away. Take a walk, ride a bike, or go to your room and listen to music to get away from the stress. Take deep breaths to calm down.
2. Don’t let your mother insult you, even in an argument: It’s not OK for someone to say mean things to you, even if she’s your mother. Certain rules should not be broken. Show your mother the same respect and don’t insult or swear at her.
3. If you think counseling services, talks with your mother, or other ways of learning to get along better aren’t working anymore, try to find a new place to live as soon as possible: This can be short-term or long-term. Then, before you leave the house, check with your parents to see if they are OK. At some point, you might not be able to move back in.
4. Post disputes
1. Try the silent treatment: One way to deal with a fight is to go to a private place and stay there. Keep going about your normal life, but don’t talk to your mother. Keep up the good work. You should not let her win. It’s okay if she comes. She’ll. Then, when she finally does, welcome her with open arms. She will be happy to see you again, and there will be peace.
10 Tips for Dealing with Your Toxic Parents
1. Stop trying to please them:
It’s normal to want your parents to like you. Toxic parents, on the other hand, are almost impossible to please. This is your life and you can do what makes you happy.
You will always be unhappy and unfulfilled if you live your life based on someone else’s values and goals, so don’t do that. Trying to please your parents all your life will make you a slave, always looking for validation and love from people who can’t give it to you, which is not a good way to live.
As long as you give your parents this kind of power, they can decide how important you are to them. They can tell you if you’re smart and successful, a good parent, a good person, and so on.
2. Take care of yourself:
Because of the stress of having to deal with toxic parents, both your emotional and physical health can be hurt by that stress. Make sure you take extra care of yourself.
Getting enough rest and sleep, eating healthily, exercising, and connecting with positive people are some of the most important things you can start with. You also need to acknowledge your feelings and give them a healthy outlet, get help, and have fun.
The best time to set boundaries, choose to respond in a different way, or disconnect from someone is when you are at your best physically and emotionally.
3. Don’t try to change them:
In order to change people who don’t want to change, you waste your time (and will leave you extremely frustrated).
Instead, focus on what you can control, such as how you respond to your parents, your choices, and your behavior, rather than how you feel about your parents.
4. Don’t try to reason with them:
You should try not to waste your time and energy trying to get your parents to agree with you on everything you say. There’s no way to talk to someone who is irrational, emotional, or drunk because they aren’t able to think straight. Sad and frustrating: It can be hard to accept that you can’t have a healthy and mature relationship with them because they aren’t open-minded or have trouble feeling for other people.
People don’t care about or understand what you say when they hear things that bother you, so don’t expect them to. You don’t want to get into fights or power struggles that turn into nasty fights where people start calling each other names and acting in a mean way.
In the past, I’ve told you that you don’t have to go to every argument that you’re asked to. Choose to leave instead.
5. Be mindful of what you share with them:
When we have healthy relationships, trust is a big part of them. We should only share personal information with people who have shown that they can be trusted.
Your parents may not be in this group if they gossip about you, criticize, share things about you without your permission, or use what you tell them against you. This is not a good thing.
When you meet someone, you don’t have to tell them everything (or anything) that’s going on in your life or give them an answer. If you don’t want to share something, don’t.
6. Always have an exit strategy:
When things start to go downhill, that’s your cue to leave, so do that (or ask your parents to leave). There is a good chance that things will only get worse. They will drink more, become more angry, and be more stubborn.
At the first sign of trouble, you should end your time together. You don’t have to stay because you want to be polite or because your parents are happy.
7. You don’t have to be at your parent’s beck and call:
This is a type of boundary that is very important. Unless you say no to their excessive requests, toxic people will keep taking and taking until you do not give in.
Even though they’re treating you like dirt, you can help them if it’s possible and if it’s appreciated. You don’t have to be their chauffeur, maid, or gardener if they’re treating you like dirt the whole time.
No, not at all. Do not be their errand boy, always on call. You also don’t have to answer their phone calls or text them right away.
8. Set and enforce boundaries:
Boundaries help us set clear rules and boundaries for how others can treat us. Boundaries separate you from your parents in both an emotional and physical way. A lot of kids don’t know how to set boundaries and tell their parents how they should treat them.
Toxic people don’t like rules; they want to be in charge. People who aren’t good for you make it hard to set boundaries because they don’t follow rules. But don’t let that stop you. Boundaries are important in all healthy relationships.
You can tell your parents no, come late, or leave early if you want to. Even if you don’t speak to your parents, that’s fine. You can even not talk to them. You owe them nothing! Relationships need to be based on respect, and you can’t respect people who treat you badly all of the time.
9. Know your parent’s limitations and work around them — but only if you want to:
People who have parents who drink a lot are often forgetful, aggressive, or difficult at certain times of the day. They know they can’t change their parents’ drinking. They also know that their parents become more difficult after a certain time of day (when they’re intoxicated).
So, they plan their phone calls, visits, and family get-togethers. For the early part of the day to avoid their parents’ worst habits. This is a good way to deal with things for some people, but you don’t have to plan your life around your parents.
It’s not a bad idea to work around their limitations only if they work for you, though. It’s fine to have your birthday party in the evening and not invite your parents. Because you don’t want them to mess it up. Remind yourself that you can make your own decisions and you don’t have to explain them to your parents.
10. You don’t have to spend the holidays with your parents:
That’s correct! In order for you to have a good time over the holidays, you might have to spend them away from your parents. It can be hard to keep up with family traditions in some families. But this can also make you less happy and calm.
The holidays might be a good time for you to start your own traditions or think outside the box about how you spend them. Perhaps you want to spend the holidays with your friends or go on a vacation.
Respecting Your Parents and Standing Up for Yourself
My values were taught to me as a child because I was born and raised here. Two of the most important things to do are to respect people who are older than you and to obey your parents.
This shows how important these things are. The word “obey” is used to mean not saying or doing anything against their will.
Those are good values, but not the best ones, in my view. It’s possible that some Indonesians don’t agree with me, but what I’m about to say is something. I’ve seen it too many times to call it normal.
I believe that you should treat everyone with respect, no matter what their age, race, gender, or job is.
What about the younger people?
They should be respected, but not as much as people who are older than you. This value is bad because it makes people think that younger people don’t deserve as much respect as older people do. People with power do the same thing.
There was a time when I saw a high-ranking coworker in my office be rude to the janitor. When he was in front of his boss, he was very nice and humble.
Because their mannerisms are so different depending on who they are facing, they don’t deserve to be respected. There is a quote by J.K. Rowling I like very much: “To see what a man is like, look at how he treats people who aren’t his equals.”
Her words are the best way for me to think about this.
It is important, to be honest with your parents about what you would like them to do. This way you can come up with a plan of action together for how to stand up to your parents more effectively.